This mom’s story really struck a nerve for me… “I’m in an abusive relationship that I will never walk away from.” She shares this …
I can’t exactly pinpoint when I first felt the shift between our dynamic. One minute, things were as they always were. Before I could blink, though, I found myself engrossed in an alternate reality that resembled less and less of life as I knew it with each passing week. Trickles of rage and anger bubbled to the surface, threatening to break through until they could no longer be harnessed. I’ve been riding the waves ever since.
I currently exist in a heightened state of fear and anxiety, unsure of what each day will bring. When I wake each morning, I silently hope that today will be a “good” day; that he won’t be angry. That he won’t hurt me. Sometimes I’m lucky, and I get my person back. Other times, it feels like I’m living in a battle ground.
Her story really struck a nerve for me because of what she is going through but also because NO solutions are provided for her son. Stories like this help create awareness, make you feel less alone, create empathy and better understanding – which is important – but we want to offer nutritional solutions to families who are dealing with this.
(You can read her entire story on the ScaryMommy blog.)
Functional medicine and nutritional psychiatry as a solution
My heart goes out to this mom, this young man and the rest of the family. My hope is that this mom and all mom’s in similar situations are open to functional medicine, nutritional psychiatry and the power of food and nutrients to dramatically reduce and in many cases reverse behavioral issues like this in the child.
Sugar, caffeine and junk food must go and a gluten-free diet will very possibly make a difference. Having her son eat for blood sugar control is key too. It may also mean switching to a low-salicylate and/or, low-oxalate and low histamine diet. And addressing low lithium, low zinc, low vitamin D, low vitamin B12, high copper, low magnesium and/or low vitamin B6. Low serotonin and low GABA are common and this is where I would start with this young man (more on this below). They may also need to address his gut health/parasites, infections (like Lyme), PANS/PANDAS, mold toxicity, metals and environmental toxins etc.
I’ll highlight many of these in this blog and share links for further reading, plus the approaches I may consider. The important thing to recognize is that there is not one-size-fits-all.
Address low serotonin and low GABA
For a mom in the midst of all this, it can seem overwhelming and very daunting but when you start by addressing low serotonin and low GABA it becomes so much easier. Her son gets some relief very quickly and all the root causes can be figured out and addressed one by one. It also gives mom and the family a much-needed glimmer of hope. As I mentioned above, this is where I would start.
These are clues from her story as to why we’d want to look into and address low serotonin: her son’s explosive anger and rage, the physical and mental abuse, threats to hurt himself (self-harm) and his mother and siblings, and being argumentative.
You can see how the above fits into the list of low serotonin symptoms here. The amino acid that addresses low serotonin is tryptophan or 5-HTP and you can expect to see results in a few days.
I worked with an 11 year old girl with explosive rage issues (and anxiety, cravings & insomnia) and chewable tryptophan started to turn things around very quickly. You can read more about this here.
If he has low GABA symptoms of physical tension and anxiety, we’d do a trial of GABA next.
A gluten-free diet and eating for blood sugar control
The next change I’d make is to have him start to make dietary changes, starting to switch to gluten-free eating and real whole food. As you can see from the above blog, a gluten-free diet and getting the 11 year old off the sugar made a big difference too. Tryptophan helped with this process, making it easy to break the addiction and not feel deprived.
Gluten issues (celiac disease and gluten sensitivity) are typically associated with gut issues but the psychiatric symptoms are less recognized. This 2023 paper, Psychiatric and Neurological Manifestations of Celiac Disease in Adults states that “Celiac disease is associated with mood disorders, such as manic-depressive disease, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, as well as other disorders such as depression and anxiety.”
In this blog I share how gluten was found to be the cause of a childhood case of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Symptoms resolved on a gluten-free diet.
Having him starting to eat for blood sugar stability may help with the irritability and mood swings, and may also help with his rageful outbursts.
Low dose lithium orotate for the rollercoaster of emotions
Next I’d likely explore the possibility of low dose lithium orotate as something that may help this young man too. The hallmark of low lithium is a rollercoaster of emotions and this mom shares how there are really good times amongst the really tough times. I use this lithium questionnaire with clients. In addition to the ups and downs, these are clues that he may benefit: he’s rebellious, exhibits disruptive behavior and aggressiveness, is irritable, restless and engages in risky behavior.
Next steps: explore all the possible root causes and do nutritional testing
We’d want to explore all possible root causes and next steps would be decided based on his specific situation. Here is a list of 60+ root causes that I work through and the nutritional/functional testing that I do with my clients. You can replace anxiety with anger/rage in the blogs – for some people their symptoms show up as rage and for others it’s anxiety.
And here are some links for further reading:
- Bartonella infection in mom and both sons: anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, inconsolable crying, irritability, ADHD, rage and pain
- Christmas tree phenols as a trigger for anger, meltdowns, anxiety, hyperactivity, insomnia, aggression, self-injury and autistic symptoms? (dietary salicylates – a type of phenol – can cause similar issues)
- Sex and Aggression Characteristics in a Cohort of Patients with Pediatric Acute-Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome “Among patients with PANS, males exhibit more aggressive behavior when compared with females” (typically the clue it may be PANDAS/PANS is sudden onset of symptoms, although it’s not the case in all instances)
- Neuropsychiatric Lyme Disease by Dr. Suruchi Chandra Lyme disease “can remain dormant for years and then later mimic a number of psychiatric illnesses, including anxiety disorders, mood disturbances, psychosis, and autism-like behaviors.”
This is not a conclusive list but a good start for seeing what the possibilities may be. Feel free to search the blog for more on some of the above and some of the other factors mentioned above and in the 60+ root causes blog.
As you can see above, we start with the simple changes – amino acids and a few simple dietary changes (all covered in my book) and lithium orotate – and then continue to dig deeper.
Mom and the other children need nutritional/trauma support too
This mom and the other children need support too – from family and community, from a therapist who specializes in trauma – and with GABA/tryptophan, adrenal support and B vitamins. You can read more about nutritional solutions for psychological stress here.
Resources if you are new to using tryptophan or GABA as supplements
If you are new to using tryptophan or GABA as supplements, here is the Amino Acids Mood Questionnaire from The Antianxiety Food Solution (you can see all the symptoms of neurotransmitter imbalances, including low GABA and low serotonin).
If you suspect low levels of any of the neurotransmitters and do not yet have my book, The Antianxiety Food Solution – How the Foods You Eat Can Help You Calm Your Anxious Mind, Improve Your Mood, and End Cravings, I highly recommend getting it and reading it before jumping in and using amino acids on your own so you are knowledgeable. And be sure to share it with the practitioner/health team you or your loved one is working with.
There is an entire chapter on the amino acids and they are discussed throughout the book in the sections on gut health, gluten, blood sugar control, sugar cravings, anxiety and mood issues (which include rage/anger/irritability/self-harm).
The book doesn’t include product names (per the publisher’s request) so this blog, The Antianxiety Food Solution Amino Acid and Pyroluria Supplements, lists the amino acids that I use with my individual clients and those in my group programs. You can find them all in my online store. The above oral lavender products are available in my online store too.
If, after reading this blog and my book, you don’t feel comfortable figuring things out on your own (i.e. doing the symptoms questionnaire and respective amino acids trials), a good place to get help is the GABA QuickStart Program (if you have low GABA symptoms). This is a paid online/virtual group program where you get my guidance and community support.
If you are a practitioner, join us in The Balancing Neurotransmitters: the Fundamentals program. This is also a paid online/virtual program with an opportunity to interact with me and other practitioners who are also using the amino acids.
Have you found tryptophan, GABA and/or lithium orotate to help in a situation like this?
What about a gluten-free diet and eating for blood sugar control?
What bigger root causes were found to be contributing factors too?
If you have questions and other feedback please share it here too.
I was in a similar situation for almost 30 years (although, thankfully, children were not involved). While I agree that the right diet will help you recover from the extreme, long-term stress of such a relationship, the healing really can’t start until the relationship ends. I also thought I would never leave, although I dreamt of it every day. It took 13 years after I was out of the relationship before my Hashimoto’s was diagnosed and began healing with food. Also, if the abuser is as controlling as mine was, I did not have any option to choose the kinds of food I ate (or what I wore, or who I could talk to). It was only because I worked outside of my home, and finally opened up to another woman who saw that I was in trouble. Over a period of 2 years I communicated with this woman in secret. She encouraged me to seek professional psychological help, which I also was able to do in secret during work hours. During those 2 years I began to lie to my abuser so I could continued to get help. I later learned that I was not alone, and there are many, many others in similar situations. I also learned of the local resources available to help women leave such relationships and even provide secure temporary housing for them and their children.
Melinda
I’m sorry to hear you went through all this but I’m very glad you got help and out of the situation. And yes there are so many others in similar situations.
Even though this story and blog is about the physical and mental abuse a mom suffers at the hands of her teenage son, and the nutritional solutions for addressing the son’s rage and anger, the same concepts could also be applied for an adult who is abusive. The challenge with an adult who is full of rage and abusive is being able to communicate that there may be a biological cause and then helping them implement the changes.
Another potential root cause can be petroleum. Artificial colors, artificial flavors and certain preservatives – TBHQ, BHA and BHT all have petroleum. Petroleum can cause emotional aggressiveness, insomnia, impulse control issues, etc. The Feingold program saved my family. My oldest son really reacted and my youngest son also reacted but not as much. We started on the Feingold Program when my oldest son was 4 and it was literally a night and day difference. We stayed at 100% compliance simply by reading labels and buying specific Feingold researched and approved foods until they were teenagers (and they could get to a local store and buy all the standard American snacks with their friends). I will be forever grateful for the Feingold Program, they gave me my sweet children back! For more info, check out http://www.feingold.org
Sharon
Thanks for sharing and wonderful to hear the Feingold program helped your sons so much. As you know, in addition to artificial colors and flavors/preservatives, it eliminates salicylates which are a type of phenol (which gets a brief mention in the blog). The approach I recommend in my books is real whole foods and this eliminates all of the above too. I’d love to see them go one step further and embrace and endorse real whole foods.
I’d love to hear what their symptoms were like before going on the program and how they were afterwards? And how quickly you saw changes? Also how did you learn about this way of eating and what made you open to it?
I do hope they are still doing well!
How do you eat to control blood sugar levels please?
Julie
Healthy/quality animal protein and fats at breakfast and each meal time and healthy protein/fat snacks as needed, plus glutamine supplementation and adrenal support.
There is an entire chapter on the topic in my book The Antianxiety Food Solution. It is also a good resource for the amino acids, other nutrients, pyroluria, gut health and all the dietary factors too – https://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/the-antianxiety-food-solution-by-trudy-scott/
Here is a blog post too – https://www.everywomanover29.com/blog/anxiety-hypoglycemia-symptoms-diet-modification/
If this really was a night and day change in her son’s behavior, he needs an MRI to make sure this isn’t a brain tumor.
If it started shortly after antibiotics, I would consider clostridia overgrowth could be the cause of his anger and highly recommend a Great Plains Lab Organic Acids test.
Katherine
I agree with both these recommendations – thanks for sharing. As mentioned my blog post doesn’t include all possibilities – just where I start (as a nutritionist).
I’m interested to hear if you also use the amino acids tryptophan or 5-HTP for serotonin support and GABA for GABA support?
Hello Trudy,
I was in a 10 year relationship with an abuser; physically and verbally. I was 27, he was 37……. and he was sober and clean when I met him, and married him…………but that didn’t last. I realized I married an abuser.
I want to share my heartfelt sorrow for this beautiful young woman and her child. I too didn’t know, nor was I aware that I do had a choice for 10 long year, and when women are not aware they have a responsibility to themselves, and also to the children to not endure abuse…… is when it is a very dark life.
My greatest wish for this woman would be for her to know that all women who are being abused make excuses for their abusers…………….he brings me flowers, he tells me I’m beautiful. This is how abusers work to make sure the woman doesn’t leave. It’s called “Temporary Hope”………hanging onto hope from an abuser is by far the most unreal place of denial any woman can remain in.
I left my abuser and divorced him, and did some of the most deep, internal work of my life. I learned to love myself enough to know I deserved a life of absolutely NO abuse. I never turned back, and I was so thankful I never had children with this man.
I personally wanted to pay if forward and honor my own amazing awakening, and I signed up to be a counselor for the “Committee To Aid Abused Women” in my town. I went through a 6 week course prior volunteering to help other abused women over the phone. It was so rewarding, and my personal motto in life is “We are here on earth to help other, and live outside ourselves”. My helping others was so rewarding.
I would love to see a message from this woman someday where she shares that she finally realized that she must leave her abuser to “Save Herself”, and her child……….because if she doesn’t save herself, no one else will.
I write this with much love and compassion for women who are abused……..always remember to honor yourself……….we do have a choice.
Gloria
I’m very glad you got out of this situation. Thank you for sharing and for going on and helping other women in these situations – it’s very special!
Sadly this mom can’t leave her abuser because it’s her teenage son. Hence my blog post so she can start to make these dietary and nutritional changes with him and reverse this aggression and his abusive behaviors to wards her and his brother and sister.
Thank you Trudy,
I will keep this mom in my thoughts in the hopes she will find a peaceful life for her and her children.
Living in an abusive environment can destroy her heart and soul, and it also impacts the children with trauma that will stay with the children for the rest of their lives.
A story I know all too well from my childhood.
With love and compassion, Gloria
Gloria
Thank you for your kindness and sorry to hear you experienced trauma in your childhood
Thank you for a wonderful article.
I have successfully weaned off Seroquel and Effexor. I have been on Lithium for 7 years starting at 750 mg and I have been weaning off if it very slowly with no side effects. I am now at 157 mg. When I started on these drugs, I gained 55 lbs and I am now clinically obese. I eat no sugar, no flour and wheat and exercise. Everyone keeps telling me it’s the Lithium. Do you have any suggestions on how to lose the weight while still on Lithium?
Thank you for your time. Wishing you all the best!
Rose
You are welcome. Prescription lithium can cause weight gain due to increased appetite and because of it’s effects on the thyroid (hypo) so these are areas we look into.
I believe this article was about the experience of a mom with a child plagued by behavioral disorders, hence she can’t ever leave the relationship.
Anita
Yes that is correct